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Anxious First Post

You never get a second chance to make a first impression, so bear with me as I burden you, the good reader, with my very first blog post. I am SocialAnxietyDad and, with each second-guessing press of the keyboard, I hope to introduce you to me, my world and the manner in which it is all about to change.

So what is a blog meant to be? I don’t know, and despite a natural inclination to check everything a thousand times before executing my plan of action, I have no intention on finding out what others expect one to be. If anything is to be taken from my research into the best Blogging platform, web host and domain name provider, it is that research can only take knowledge so far, before it soon begins aiding procrastination. As such, I have avoided the further research and am instead sat here writing, fingers on the keyboard, tap tap tapping away. So, what do I think a blog is (Imagine the Letter “I” in the sentence is all big and scary!)?

{Total Brain Fart there. Hours sat re-writing the same sentence again and again. I don’t even know how it began. Too focussed on obsessively finding fault. My anxiety is always driven by OCD. Shame it is always focussed so negatively. Anyone else find that? Sorry, just wanted to interject IN MY OWN BLOG to explain the time taken to consider what I think a blog is. Hmmm, maybe I should have just done some more research.}

So, again… what do I think a blog is? To me it will be a place where I attempt to share my fears, adventures, discoveries, horrors, break-downs and, hopefully, advice, as a soon-to-be stay-at-home-dad, suffering with the daily inconveniences of social anxiety disorder. My son (yes, we know the sex… AND the name… not sharing that… yet) is scheduled to come into the world on March 21st 2017. That is scarily soon. I have read much literature, viewed many panic attack inducing DVDs, prepared a nursery, begun safe-guarding the family home, practiced changing a melons’ nappy and managed to look stupid in front of every single maternity carer I have met, and despite all of that, I know that when push comes to shove (rather more pushing, we should hope) I am very capable of crumbling. If that social anxiety panic strikes, surrounded by the kindly faces of terrifying midwifery and the alien sight of my wife in a prostrate agony, no research or preparation will be able to save me from that first big failure as a Dad.

I know that, and yet I don’t fear it or hate it. Not anymore. I have come to taken some control of my Social Anxiety Disorder. I am 35 and have spent as many as I can remember with anxiety as a hated partner. Fortunately, I have also spent 15 of those years with a great partner, a real life one, who puts up with the associated issues of an extreme anxiety disorder in a way I never could. Despite the control I now feel over my anxiety (I will share my journey in future posts)… (P.S. If there aren’t future posts, well, I probably just got lazy), it is still able to strike.

It was the fear of this uncontrollable possibility that lead me to spend a long time denying myself and my aforementioned partner the opportunity of a family. I just could not see how it would be possible. Can a man who finds taking his car to fill up with petrol a stressful expedition, really raise a child who will be confident, capable or remotely well-balanced? Some studies suggest not, but I believe otherwise.

It is with this sense of positivity that I want to approach my blog. I want to be a positive influence on my son. To do so, I have to be a positive influence on myself. Thinking with positivity, no matter how forced, is always a necessity… when possible, that is. I would not wish to patronise you or kid myself into thinking that anxiety, depression and regression, won’t happen at the drop of the hat. But, when I am able to pick myself back up from a slump, I want to be positive. In this way, I also hope to create a positive online space to share experiences with other parents struggling with anxiety disorders, couples of single people thinking they can’t have children due to such a disorder, or anyone else who would like to share their opinion, advice or story.

Just keep it positive. I don’t want to worry endlessly over whether to ban someone. So if anyone is mean, you are out. I know I am a “BIG MENTAL IDIOT”, I don’t need it explained to me by someone who only just discovered their keyboard acts in more advanced ways than simply scratching ones backside.

Blimey, bit shirty…

Well, that’s a brief introduction to me and my blog, what I want it to be and who I want it to be for.

If this interests you or anyone you may know, please bring yourself or someone else along for future posts.

Get in touch with me via Twitter via the button on this page… (If it isn’t there, it is because I can’t find how to set them up yet. I am assuming it is easy before I look to see if it is easy.)

Get in touch with me via DM.

Get in touch with me via a Follow

Get in touch with me via comments

Just get in touch.

Stay positive and, with all sincerity, FUCK ANXIETY!

#SocialAnxietyDad

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